Yesterday, when I picked Ava up from preschool, her teacher glanced up from the line of children and said, “I’m sorry. Ava and her friend got a bit carried away with the paint today and I didn’t get a chance to clean them up.”
The fact that my daughter was sporting blue whiskers had already tipped me off to this point.
“That’s okay, ” I said, happy to know that she had been painting and thinking that a warm washcloth would wipe all evidence of this creative experiment.
Oh, I was naive.
As we walked out to the car, I asked Ava what she had been painting that had turned her hands and face so blue.
“This Mama, look,” she said holding out her skirt.
I look down and gasped. Ava’s dress looked like it had been in a paint ball tournament and has lost. Badly.
How was I supposed to know that the art project WAS Ava’s dress?
“See, Mama, the blue paint made my red dress purple. I think it’s so pretty, don’t you?”
Hmmm, no.
I distinctly remember not looking for a dress designed by Jackson Pollock while shopping at Land’s End last fall.
When we got home she quickly shed her altered dress as she is always game for a costume change. I sprayed Shout on the wearable art and sent it down the shoot to await it’s fate. Then I leaned against the wall, crossed my arms, and contemplated how best to handle this situation.
I want her to have the freedom to play, to experiment, to get dirty, but I also want to teach her to be a good steward to what has been given to her. Flinging paint on a dress crosses the line from accidentally dripping paint on a dress while flinging it on paper.
I know that the conventional wisdom of parenting suggests that consequences should be given in close proximity of the offense. We talked in great length about the importance taking care of our things. And lest any of you assume that she didn’t know that she shouldn’t paint on her dress, let me assure you she was most adamant that she knew that this was the wrong thing to do. However, I couldn’t think of a fitting consequence and so the day wrapped up with little less than a scolding and a still disgruntled mama.
This morning when she came marching out into the kitchen in a pink twirly skirt and a purple shirt with ruffles, it became all too clear what needed to be done. I sent her back into her room for some uglier clothes.
As I handed her a plain gray t-shirt we use for painting projects and a faded pair of jeans, I explained that she couldn’t wear her pretty clothes to school because she painted on her dress yesterday.
“Not ever in my whole life?” She gasped as she fell into a heap of despair and then quickly crossed her arms and declared, “When I’m eight I’m going to wear this everyday!”
Because clearly, every consequence I dole out has an eternal value. And by eternal, it ends at age eight.
“Well, Ava if you are still painting your clothes when you are eight then you still have to wear ugly clothes. But if you learn to take care of your clothes and paint on paper, then you can wear pretty clothes to school.”
“But I can’t wear that! It’s so uh-guh-ly!”
I put the clothes on her bed and explained that if she wanted to go to school this is what she was wearing.
“Well, then, I’m not going to ever paint on my ugly clothes, at all!”
Perfect. That’s precisely what I was going for.
I have to admit it felt strange sending her into school in an outfit previously reserved for wall painting and worm relocating.
Then I remembered that this was preschool. And those activities could very likely be today’s activities.
Sounds just slightly different than Flynn’s outfit she wore today.
Which included ugly blue pants that came home w/ an unidentified substance stuck to the seat.
It’s good to know we’re getting what we’re paying for….dirty fun.
Sounds like a great and effective consequence!
And…not to be too hard on preschool teachers (I teach a 3 hour preschool class twice a month for a homeschool group)…but I’m surprised she didn’t have them wear any kind of paint shirt! Then again, I once sent the kids home with a craft - a mobile using wooden skewers instead of popsicle sticks. I was trying to use supplies I had at home. Didn’t even hit me until we were making the craft that I was giving 3 year olds sticks with SHARP, POINTY ends! I had to apologize to each parent as they picked up their kids. So I know how easy it can be to let things slip through the cracks.
Sounds very logical. Hope it works.
LOL…I noticed that this ugly gray t-shirt is in the worm picture and I recognize it.
“I distinctly remember not looking for a dress designed by Jackson Pollock while shopping at Land’s End last fall.”
favorite quote from the post.
I’m pretty impressed that you stuck to your guns. I can’t even imagine what Ava would look like in drab.
Oh! I love this post! We did something similar with my dd when she was near the same age. We were dealing with whining and decided that particular pair of (hated) slacks would be her “whiny pants”. We explained that the “ugliness” of the pants reflected the ugliness that whining created in her heart and that when she was having a whiny attitude, she would wear the whiny pants until her heart changed to a beautiful, joyful attitude. Oh my… little girls do HATE to wear ugly clothes. Even more than they love to whine!
Perfect solution, mama. Perfect. You are so wise, and since I have a feeling that my daughter will be behaving in a similar fashion before I know it, I’m going to be coming to you for your sage advice.
I think you handled that beautifully! As for the knitting, do you know how to knit? If so just join Ravelry, it is a great pattern resource plus it has a section where you can keep track of your projects. It is an excellent resource for knitters.
If you are just learning I would go to your local large bookstore and pick up a book for beginners. There are lots to choose from, just pick something appeals to the way you learn. Then join ravelry
Yes, I am Canadian but after reading your posts last winter I suspect that our winters are roughly the same. We are on the east coast, near the water so the only difference is we don’t sem to get as much snow, I think.
Let me know if you join ravelry and if you have any questions or problems, I’m only an internet connection away!
As always, this is truly a superb post! They need to be in a book!
Good job, Rach! And thanks for the birthday wish, btw.
6) Herb of Grace, really like the “whiny pants” idea.
Lesson learned!
So funny. What a smart little lady!
Perfect solution. Truly. That’s brilliant. Completely fits the “crime” and it hits her where it hurts. (The first time I typed that sentence, I typed “hits her WEAR it hurts.” But that works too, doesn’t it?)
Ahh, Rachel!! I love this. I laughed out loud at the throwing self on floor bit.
What a smart mommy you are!
Tiff
The Fashion Police are keeping an eye on you in London, yes that was a fashion faux pas, however we are looking for an update on what’s going on, seriously it’s been weeks
haha, we’re kidding, but we have checked your blog twice since we’ve been here and no updates! Hope you’re having a great week! love, shanel and mike