1. If you give your daughter chewing gum on a consistent basis, it is inevitably destined to become affixed to her hair.

I know, I know, gum is bad for teeth and especially for the little developing jaw. I dispense it strictly to counter my four-year-olds overwhelming urge to put everything in her mouth.

Over the past two and half years, I have found gum to be a cleaner and less destructive alternative to nail-biting and shoe-licking. Though despite my best efforts, Ava is still sporting ten little nubs on her hands, and her four-day-old flip-flops have at least one set of teeth marks.

In her defense I will say that she comes with a dominant set of genes hardwired to taste everything.

And since you are such a supportive crowd (I mean, hello, if ever a girl needed to confess her paltry giving of extremely discounted items you are the ones to come to. It is so good to be among friends. Oh, and Nikki, by all means reuse the gift bags) I may confess that those genes come from my half of her DNA.

I have faint memories of putting non-food items in my mouth well past the appropriate time. In fourth grade a classmate brought her grandmother’s brooch for show and tell. After her presentation of her prized piece of jewelry she let us pass it around the room so that we could closely examine the intricate details. When the girl next to me asked me she could have her turn now, I realized that the brooch was in my mouth. You read that right, the gold encrusted, pearl inlayed, ornate brooch was in my mouth and I had NO idea how it got there.

I have not the space or time to recall the horrors that accompanied the strings of saliva affixed to brooch as I pulled it from my mouth. Suffice it to say, it was not the best way to forge friendships in my all-girl class.

These are fierce genes. Fierce.

So fierce that Ava didn’t take the gum out of her mouth but added her hair to chewing medley.

2. If you attempt to pull the gum out while it is still hot and gooey, it is possible to morph the clump into a Farrah Faucett feather type curl.

Gum has the uncanny ability to hold hair with a firmness that hair care products only dream of.

3. It is quite acceptable to procrastinate gum removal. Extracting gum from hair is sure to raise shrieks of such decibles that would reverse any enjoyment or relaxation that a weekend at the lake offers. Hide it in a braid and forget about it. There is no time for scraping out gum when there is a boat to drive

and uncles to spray

or tattoo with 35 SPF lotion.

4. The kids on the playground were right, peanut butter really can remove gum from your hair.

One of Ava’s good friends got gum in her hair recently and the peanut butter trick failed her. So I was a bit fearful that we were going to have to cut our losses and lob off her hair.

I used the Trader Joe’s crunchy peanut butter which tends to be more oily than sugary, especially when it has been simmering in my hot home all weekend. I skimmed off the oily part of the peanut butter and worked it through Ava’s hair. Then I used one of her baby combs to pull it out. It was surprisingly simple and very effective.

Much like making white shapes on your uncle Moose by painting him with sunblock.

Now that Ava’s hair is gum-free, we’re making her mouth gum-free as well.

Here’s hoping that more teeth marks don’t appear on her flip-flops.

Or that my great grandmother’s pin finds its way to her mouth.